Ok, so ‘The Thing in Beijing’ doesn’t have quite the same ring to it as ‘The Rumble in the Jungle’ or ‘The Thriller in Manila’, but it was a similarly bruising encounter when the Devils took on a touring side from Tahiti that was more interested in fighting than playing rugby.
The match was eventually called off ten minutes before time after the French island dwellers had thrown one punch too many, but by then they were well and truly beaten by the Beijing Devils.
The final scoreline of 6 or 7 tries to one in favour of the home team was a fair reflection of the more talented and agile Devils team. The Tahiti side was an old one, so old in fact that only Devils captain Colin could rightly claim to be eligible for selection by them. But, despite their age the majority of the Tahitian players acted like petulant schoolboys, primary school that is, and the behaviour of their openside flanker in particular begged the question of why he had bothered to come on tour at all. That guy had issues.
It was one of their younger players though, who bore a striking resemblance to an ox, both physically and intellectually, who threw the final punch connecting with Devils’ Japanese playmaker Sudo, the silent assassin, forcing referee Greg to call off the encounter.
I’ll talk about the actual rugby in a moment, but first both Greg and Tini should be thanked for volunteering to referee. This is always a tough task, especially so in a game like this. Not wanting to dwell on the negative aspects of the game however, at least Tini broke a personal record for distance covered in the first half of a rugby match, notching up an impressive 320 metres.
The Devils fielded an experienced line up, with veterans Dave White and Phil Cowell among those returning to the fray after peaceful sabbaticals soaking up the sun and perfecting mahzhong moves. Their pre-season conditioning set them in good stead and both were heavily involved in the action.
The earlier description of the final scoreline being somewhere in the region of 6 or 7 tries to one shows that I was paying little attention to the game – well, it was either that or the knock on the head suffered as I drove my motorbike into a wall later in the evening, as you do – so with that in mind I will not endeavor to reel off the list of tryscorers or how the Devils notched up such an impressive scoreline.
That being said, the opening score was notable, if only for the reason that I remember it, and for the pace that Elia showed as he roared towards the tryline from thirty metres out.
Having been set up by a strong charge down the middle of the park by Tongan Steve, who shrugged off tacklers almost as effectively as he shrugs off his admiring female fans, Elia took the ball on with such acceleration that a sonic boom rang out. It turned out that was actually Willie in the bathroom arguing with the KFC family bucket he’d had the night before, but it was impressive nonetheless.
The only line of defence that stood a chance in stopping the marauding Fijian was the rugby post, but luckily the Wasale Serevi lookalike threw a dummy at the final moment, avoiding an embarrassing collision to go through and score.
Actually, maybe it was Colin who scored the first try, but as he’s getting on the scoresheet so regularly this season I won’t mention it in detail for fear of encouraging him further.
Yes there were other scorers, and yes there were more off-the-ball incidents, one of which saw the Tahitian number 7 taking out president Drakeford without the ball and then inexplicably asking for a fight. The big Coventry man reacted in typical good spirit, without even dignifying the challenge with a response.
It turned out that Simon knew he’d hit the offender where it hurt later in the evening when he presented him with a Beijing Devils calendar. Ouch!
The match certainly left a slightly sour taste in the mouth, but there was still time to shake hands and make up at the post match function, which would have proved far more painful than the physical game itself if you were unfortunate enough to find yourself within earshot of Sam Walsh trying to speak French.